Occasionally, we encounter rare moments of clarity and happiness, where the weight of sadness and anxiety seems to disappear even for a minute. These moments – a quiet summer evening at the beach, recovering from illness, or being moved by art or music makes us wonder whether life could feel less like a burden. What if we could let go of fear and defenses? And stopping to smell the roses would be the priority.
Psychology provides insight into moments like these. Research on awe suggests that encounters with nature, art, or meaningful experiences can expand our perspective and improve well-being (Keltner & Haidt, 2003). These moments momentarily shift us away from the negativity bias – our innate tendency to focus on threats and difficulties which, while adaptive, often distorts reality (Rozin & Royzman, 2001).
Early experiences play a powerful role in shaping this outlook. Many of us grew up in environments where joy was not prioritized or even allowed. If caregivers were preoccupied with stress or sadness, we may have internalized the belief that life is inherently difficult. Attachment theory focuses on how early relational patterns influence emotional regulation and expectations in adulthood (Bowlby, 1988). Without realizing it, we may remain loyal to the emotional mindset of our childhood.
However, adult neuroplasticity shows that these patterns can change. Practices like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness have been shown to reshape negative thought patterns and foster optimism (Hofmann et al., 2010). Positive psychology also offers a practical framework for this shift. Seligman’s (2011) PERMA model emphasizes building positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment to increase well-being, showing that happiness is not just a temporary state but a skill that can be cultivated.
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Relationships are particularly transformative. Secure connections with others are one of the strongest predictors of happiness (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007). Choosing partners and friends who support rather than isolate us can make a profound difference. By rethinking how we approach relationships, we can create spaces where connection and growth are possible.
The question of whether life is meant to be full of suffering deserves reconsideration. While hardship is inevitable, it does not have to define us. Much of our suffering comes from narratives rooted in the past; narratives we can revise as adults. Embracing this possibility takes time and effort, but even small steps, like practicing gratitude or savoring joy, can lead to lasting change.
What if we allowed ourselves to hope? By letting go of the belief that sadness is inevitable, we can begin to see happiness as a possibility rather than an exception. This is not about ignoring life’s challenges but about recognizing our capacity to move beyond them. The process of change is gradual, but the potential for deeper connection and fulfillment makes it a journey worth taking.
References
Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1988-98501-000
Hofmann, S. G., Sawyer, A. T., Witt, A. A., & Oh, D. (2010). The effect of mindfulness-based therapy on anxiety and depression: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78(2), 169–183. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0018555
Keltner, D., & Haidt, J. (2003). Approaching awe, a moral, spiritual, and aesthetic emotion. Cognition and Emotion, 17(2), 297–314. https://doi.org/10.1080/02699930302297
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. Guilford Press. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-12400-000
Rozin, P., & Royzman, E. B. (2001). Negativity bias, negativity dominance, and contagion. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 5(4), 296–320. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327957PSPR0504_2
Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Free Press. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2010-25554-000