Many people experience discomfort when attending social events, which can often stem from a distaste for small talk. The thought of being trapped in conversations about mundane topics such as the weather, traffic, or holiday plans can be overwhelming, particularly when one craves more meaningful and dignified discourse. This can create a sense of resentment towards social gatherings, as they hold up an ideal of community and dialogue while trapping us in unproductive and insincere banter, leading to feelings of loneliness.

However, it is important to note that small talk exists for a principled reason: it is designed to prevent hurt. By engaging in small talk, we can safely ascertain the frame of mind of our conversation partner and gauge what more in-depth topics can be broached. It provides us with a rich source of information and lends us time to circle intimacy from on high before determining where we might wish to land. Therefore, a rigid hatred of small talk overlooks its purpose and the valuable role it plays in building deeper connections.

The fear of small talk may stem from childhood experiences and a worry that we will be unable to influence the flow of a conversation by ourselves. However, we have far more conversational agency than we may realize. It is almost always in our power to raise more intimate or profound follow-up questions. An individual who is currently talking at mystifying length about traffic, has also inevitably been disappointed in love, had bouts of despair, tried to make sense of a difficult parent, felt confused about their direction – and will be longing, at some level, to stop talking about the weather and share the contents of their heart.